


absinthian

by orphan_account



Category: One Piece
Genre: ...done by another character, Angst, Basically Sabo and Zoro chat about Luffy while drunk, Character Study, Drunken Confessions (basically...), Gen, Introspection, Regret, Selfishness vs. Selflessness, also nami and sanji and usopp, uh most of them are drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-01-25 22:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21363454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The way Sabo looks at his brother holds a certain sort ofwretchedness, as though he's a treasure that might be stolen away at any time, and Zoro has to grind his teeth and steel that dull pain in his chest because heknowswhat's coming next.He's known it since he first heard of Luffy's second brother, the one lost but never gone.And now that he's back, there's a brother gone but not lost, never to be found again.(Sometimes, at night, Zoro can hear the echos of war in Luffy's dreams)Sabo, Zoro, and the rest of the crew have a talk. (about Luffy, about promises, about times far gone)Sabo-Luffy-(Ace)-Zoro centric
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Monkey D. Luffy & Portgas D. Ace & Sabo, Monkey D. Luffy & Roronoa Zoro, Monkey D. Luffy & Sabo, Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Roronoa Zoro & Sabo
Comments: 18
Kudos: 280





	1. absinthe

**Author's Note:**

> please do remember that Zoro only has one eye open  
i changed all the zoro "eyes" to "eye" it's not a typo sdf

The door swings open.

"I just wanted to see his face again," Sabo says, his voice barely hovering about a quiet hum.  
Behind him, the rain pours down mercilessly, and the faint pounding in the sky warns of an approaching thunderstorm.

Zoro gives him a scrutinizing glare, eyeing his dry clothes and perfectly styled hair, glossy locks shifting with every step he takes.  
Sabo carries a certain air of importance about him in the way he walks, holding himself as high as a noble, only—without any of the accompanying sleaziness. Maybe, in another place, in another land— perhaps Sabaody— Zoro might have mistaken him for something else. 

Something terrible, perhaps, and maybe his crew would have had to hold him back. 

But they are not in Sabaody. They are in Dressrosa, still healing from a broken war. 

"Come in," Zoro tells him, if only because nobody else speaks up.

Sabo sends him a thankful glance, relieved to step out of the howling squall. He comes in carefully, stepping past the door frame with a practiced fluidity. The guy should be drenched, ambling through the storm without an umbrella; but isn't. Not one bit of him is wet, and Zoro suspects that the soles of his shoes are dry as well, even as Sabo wipes them along the doormat.

Maybe he's like Luffy, Zoro thinks absently; someone who can never lose in spirit, not even to the rain.

In the blink of an eye, Sabo is already seated by Luffy's side, peering down at him with an exasperated fondness that only family could learn. 

"He sleeps like a log." Sabo chuckles, reaching out to gently brush aside a lock of Luffy's hair. Luffy barely stirs, though his breathing does slowly even out a bare shade calmer.

"You should wake him up," Nami suggests from where she's perched on a stool, "—he'll really want to see you."

There's a brief moment of silence, interrupted only by the sound of Luffy's soft breathing.

"I...shouldn't."  
And then Sabo doesn't look indecisive— not quite; but there's a sort of wistfulness in the way he closes his eyes, still forcing himself behind his own resolve. He sighs, a faint sound that Zoro only barely manages to catch. "I just came to see his face."

The words are hollow.  
Sabo clearly wants more than that.

The rain outside peters out a little, still pattering harshly against the rooftop.

Zoro arches his back with his hands on his hips and yawns, feeling loose joints pop in his lower spine. "He'll be sad after he wakes up, y'know," he says, _advises._  
You should talk to him while you still can, Zoro doesn't say, because that might still be too cruel, still too soon.__

_ _And maybe it always will be._ _

_ _"You're Luffy's swordsman," Sabo says, and it's only almost a question— turning to face him with a sharp gaze. His voice is blank and mild, and Zoro can't tell what he's thinking, because yeah, he's never been the best at reading people. Maybe he never will be, because he's never been good at learning this shit either._ _

_ _"I am," Zoro says back. He nearly crosses his arms defensively._ _

_ _When another hushed moment passes by, with no one speaking a word, Zoro adds: "You got a problem with that?"_ _

_ _At this, Sabo's head abruptly jerks up, and he looks almost embarrassed.  
"Wha..no," he says, shaking his head with bemusement, "..and even if I did, it's not like I'd be able to do anything about it."_ _

__"...this is _Luffy's_ crew, after all. And there's no way he'd ever let me get rid of any of his friends. Not like I'd ever need to."

And Zoro really can't argue with that.

Sabo goes back to staring at Luffy's face silently.  
It isn't awkward, but there's a doleful ache in the deafening silence, suffocating in all the wrong ways. 

The way Sabo looks at his brother holds a certain sort of _wretchedness_, as though he's a treasure that might be stolen away at any time, and Zoro has to grind his teeth and steel that dull pain in his chest because he _knows_ what's coming next. He's known it since he first heard of Luffy's second brother, the one lost but never gone. 

And now that he's back, there's a brother gone but not lost, never to be found again. 

(Sometimes, at night, Zoro can hear the echos of war in Luffy's dreams)

And so now, confronted with the other brother, Zoro isn't quite sure what to say.

(Talk to him. Say something to him. Don't waste this opportunity, you might never get another chance.)  
(But he keeps his mouth shut.)

"You can't be here just for that." 

Surprisingly, it's the shit-cook who manages to speak up first.

Sanji cants smoothly against the kitchen counter, elbows propped up against his chin, and his dumb swirly eyebrow drolly rolls upwards. "There's no way you came all this way just to take a good look at his face," he repeats, in response to the questioning tilt of Sabo's head.

Nami looks like she's about to say something, maybe something slightly scolding, a reprimand about manners (as though she has any room to talk, honestly. the moment literally anyone takes out a bit of money she goes absolutely batshit crazy), but stops short, shrinking back with her hands wrapped tightly around her knees.  
Maybe she sees what Zoro sees, the strange hopefulness plastered so vulnerably across Sabo's face, a frail emotion that shouldn't be interrupted. 

Or maybe it's the way Sabo leans forward with an almost eager sort of appetency, more open than they have ever seen him. 

It makes even Zoro apprehensive.

"How would you know that?" Sabo challenges, standing up and brushing past Zoro with the barest tips of his coattails, "—how can you decide that for me?"  
Of course, Sabo's still ever so polite— not even a hint of aggression in his voice. But there's that probing lilt to his words, maybe a touch of 'yes, keep asking,' and Zoro averts his gaze and runs his hands over Wado's cold metal, Kuina's sword wintry but not biting.

(Maybe it's still too soon to meet Luffy's other brother—because Zoro finds it a challenge to even look him in the eyes without bitterness, to look him in the eyes without remembering his own failures)

(But Zoro's never been one to back down from a challenge)  
(It's not like this is one he could've avoided anyways)

"I'd appreciate if you explained," Sabo says. If he's irked, he doesn't show it.

Sanji's pupils flick upwards to meet Sabo's almost guardedly, and the corners of his mouth curve down into something akin to a frown.

"...when you first came in, Luffy was your first priority. We can all see that. But right afterwards, you looked at us, and there was something you were going to say, wasn't there?" Then he stands straight up and brushes his pants, dusting off imaginary dirt. "Don't bother trying to hide it," Sanji continues, seeing Sabo open his mouth, "—If there's something you need to say, then say it."

Zoro scowls to himself, watching Luffy's brother with a single, careful, eye. Sanji never ceases to amaze him with how easily he can ruin a good mood, and if he's really ended up pissing Sabo off, then that just spells bad news for all of them.  
Stupid cook.

But Sabo doesn't look offended in the slightest. Instead, his lips quirk up into a bemused smile, and he taps the rim of his sleek top hat twice.

"I wasn't going to," he says, "—and I really would like to talk about a couple things."  
  


====

  
The rain's receded to a light drizzle.

"I'm surprised that you even managed to catch anything I was doing at all," Sabo tells Sanji, an arm looped casually around the body of a chair, "I'd have thought you only pay attention to women."  
("the people here are really informative"

"What, d'they tell you about how perverted this dumbshit is?"

"Shut it, you dick.")

"I do." Sanji says. He's standing at the kitchen counter again, but with a knife in his right hand and a carrot in his left. ("If we're going to have a chat, then sit your ass down and stay awhile. I'll get some things ready.") 

"And I wouldn't usually give a shit about disgusting pigs—men, but there was a chance you were a danger. Coming this late at night, of all times." A precise chop, and the head of the carrot goes flying.

"But you're also Luffy's brother," Zoro hears Sanji mutter under his breath, eyebrows furrowed with a conflicted unease.  
(and maybe Zoro had this exact same thought, only minutes before. And maybe, just this once, he can agree with bare reluctance)

"..So," Robin interrupts gently, her hands draped elegantly over her crossed legs, "—what is it that you wanted to talk about, Sabo?"

Sabo glances at her. 

"I wanted to have a talk about Luffy." Sabo starts, but then he pauses like he has something else to say. 

"...and?" Robin invites, an eyebrow raised encouragingly.

"..And a talk about this." Sabo gestures at the room with a casual wave. "His crew, I mean."  
"You guys."

It's almost a quarter of an hour later, and half the crew is drunk and tired out of their minds. 

Sabo himself had a drink or two, the third flask of sake still clutched in his hands.

"Luffy thought you were dead," Zoro finds himself saying. It comes out of nowhere, and he's a tad surprised, even as the words tumble uncontrollably out of his mouth. All that thought about offense for nothing, huh?

Sabo looks at him with a slightly confused, polite smile. It's a little drowsy, maybe a little tipsy, and so he's probably a bit intoxicated.  
It's not like Zoro can't say the same for himself. 

"He did, yeah." Sabo says. He doesn't sound sad, and there isn't even a tinge of melancholy to his voice. 

(but Zoro can see the slight tremble in his curled hands, the whites of his knuckles and the contrition in his eyes. Sabo isn't drunk enough to lose himself to emotion just yet. He has full control over his voice, his demeanor, his words—)

"I thought he would punch me, you know? When I finally got to see him again, I thought he'd be mad out of his mind." The chair legs creak as Sabo shifts higher, straightening his back with a low sigh. 

"But he wasn't. Wasn't mad." Zoro murmurs, almost entreatingly.

"Yeah. He wasn't."

_"He didn't blame me,"_ Zoro hears Sabo whisper, and he downs another swig before shoving his chair aside with a kick of his heel. His drink is still practically full, and Sabo can probably hear the sloshing sounds from where he's sitting. 

"I'm going to refill." Zoro says anyways, and Sabo nods urbanely with a small smile.

Here, Sabo looks completely different once more. Gone is that politely distant noble from before, the one with the sleek top hat and graceful fluidity. Gone is that slightly intimidating figure with an airy smile and sharp eyes. All of that solidity, the shields of politeness and reservation— they are worn away, though not entirely vanished. 

Here, all that remains is a guilty brother. 

And the edges of his words are stained with regrets.

(it leads Zoro on to think about things he'd rather not think about)

"How— " Sabo suddenly starts, "— how is Luffy doing?"

Zoro sags into his seat heavily, newly 'refilled' alcohol in hand.  
"He's right over there, if you wanna check." Zoro says flatly. 

At this, Sabo huffs good-naturedly and plays along, throwing a brief glance at his sleeping brother. "He's injured, for one," Sabo quips. "But you know what I mean, Roronoa Zoro."

"You don't have to use my full name. Zoro's good. "

Sabo nods and makes a mild hum in his throat, looking away from Luffy to meet Zoro's eye. "You know what I mean, Zoro," he amends. 

Zoro pauses, staring down at the glinting fangs of Kuina's sword. "If you're talking about his strength, he's doing just fine."

Sabo's lopsided smile tells him plenty.  
(as if he didn't already know what Sabo meant—he isn't that dim— but how is he supposed to deal with this?)

"If you mean emotionally, you'll have to ask him himself."

Zoro kicks back in his seat and takes another heavy swig. Most of the crew had already tuned out, having joined Luffy in dreamland long ago. The others had abandoned this aforementioned talk and left all the responsibility to him, hadn't they? Damn.  
He wishes the worst (hangovers) on them.

Sabo leans forward, ever so slightly, and the corners of his lips twitch down in a small frown. "Ask him myself? Why can't I ask you?"  
Behind him, Chopper mutters something lethargically in his sleep, and Zoro finds that he really wants to join in.

He presses his eye together briefly, reaching up to sluggishly rub his forehead. He's tired. Probably too tired for this.  
In the wake of an obviously shitty hangover, he's going to regret this— he already knows it.  
But Zoro answers anyways.

"Because I don't know," he tells Sabo honestly.  
The words skid out of his mouth, shoved on outwards with the influence of alcohol. 

Zoro clenches and unclenches the fists on his lap, and absently wonders if this bothers him more than he tells himself it does.

"What do you mean by that?" Sabo asks. He's set down his drink once again, gaze sharpened with rapt attention. There's a hesitance in his eyes, a deep uneasiness that Zoro thinks he understands. "Why don't you know?"

Why doesn't he know?

It feels like shit, to say the things he says right then and really _realize_ how true they are. Drinking with Luffy's brother is something he resolves to never do again, Zoro decides internally, because now there's something bitterly thudding against his chest and it _aches._

"He won't tell us. He never does." Zoro swallows another mouthful, and then another. Belatedly, he recognizes that he can't stop. "It's never been 'listen to my problems' with him, it's always been 'tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it for you.' Even if he's sad, he'll brush it off and pretend that everything's okay, even if _nothing_ is." __

__And even if Luffy seems so unshakable, childish naïveté and inhumane power all blended into one— he's a person, and one with an emotional capacity beyond measure. Even though Luffy's smiles always reach his eyes, even if his laughs are always bright and filled with glee, Zoro can still find those rare, fractured, moments at night when Luffy's _hurting_ and can't assure everyone that everything's _okay.___

_ _And Zoro hates it.  
(He also hates the part where he does nothing but lie in bed, eye open and wide awake, because he knows that Luffy believes no one can hear him. Those nights—Luffy does not want to be heard, and Zoro will respect his captain's wishes until he no longer can.)_ _

_ _

__Sabo looks stricken.__  
"Luffy," he breathes, and the tired shadows on his face are illuminated by yellowed lights. "Has he— has he really never talked about himself? Has he never talked about," and here Sabo chokes on his words, swallowing down the knot in his throat with a pained grimace, "— about Marineford?"  
'About Ace?' Sabo doesn't say—but Zoro hears it still.

"He's never," Zoro tells him, and his own voice comes out a ragged croak. 

He knows that alcohol has disastrous effects on their ability to keep composure, and he can't help but wonder about what Sabo will hear. How far will he allow this to go?

"Why?" Sabo asks. 

Zoro finds that he can't answer. 

Alcohol is numbing.

He can't count how many times he's done this before— drunken himself to exhaustion to forget, to escape all his pain. Countless times, probably, stemming from those dangerous years after Kuina died. Poisoning himself was always a risk, back in his pirate-hunter days where he had nothing to live for but a vow to a dead girl, long gone everywhere but his own spiteful heart.

His drinking now is no different from all those times.

(Except it is, because this time, it is not his own pain that he is trying to escape)

"I think I know why," Sabo murmurs. 

Zoro blinks blearily and motions for him to continue.

"I mean, not really why, per say, it's just— Luffy was always,— Luffy always cried. He was a crybaby— is a crybaby. He hasn't changed at all, y'know? In both the first time we met and the most recent, he cried his eyes out." and Sabo laughs, bright and soft and warm and it's just like Luffy's laugh except _it isn't,_ because for all of Luffy's idiocy and inability to lie and _honesty_ he really isn't honest at all. Never when it comes to himself.  
But Sabo's laugh is intertwined with a bitter wistfulness, a stain that has never been present in Luffy's laugh. 

Maybe it's just the influence of alcohol— but it's there. 

"And Ace got mad at him for it. He was always so angry, Ace, when he was a kid, and he hated how Luffy would cry at the drop of a hat."  
Zoro can't imagine that at all, because he remembers Luffy's other brother, and there were charming smiles and well-trained mannerisms in the man that Zoro could never even dream to learn. 

"At one point— he hated Luffy. Saw him as an annoying pest, always following him around."

Take care of him for me, Ace had said then, and in that moment he had entrusted something terribly precious to the crew. _It's hard to keep a stupid little brother like him safe all the time, so please make sure you do,_ and there was so much love and 'he's worth more than you could ever imagine' in those words that Zoro felt _proud_ to be charged with such a thing— and now.

Now, he wonders.

Not about whether to be proud of such a duty— he knows that he always will be. But about whether or not he _deserves_ to carry such a responsibility on his shoulders, even when he failed to be there even for Ace's death. __

_ _(For Luffy, in the time that he needed Zoro most)_ _

_ _"Then some stuff happened. It was mostly Ace 'n my fault, but Luffy got kidnapped and beaten up and then saved."  
Sabo huffs out another short chuckle, but this one is sharper, and there's less of that nostalgic warmth and more of a darker, guilty, chill. _ _

_ _"He cried, of course." Sabo swigs another heavy mouthful, and Zoro watches with a heavy pit in his gut. "He cried, and Ace got pretty mad. Told him to shut up and stop crying."_ _

_ _"And he just took that? Just...stopped?" Zoro asks. _ _

_ _Sabo looks at him, eyes dark and steady, blurred and hurting.  
"He had nobody else," he says as way of explanation, and that tells Zoro everything he needs to know. _ _

_ _

_ _

_ _"The people here love you guys." _ _

_ _

_ _Nami leans in real close, balancing a mug of heavy alcohol off her pinky and ring finger. "Is that so," she says, and her eyes are narrowed with a glimmer of greed. She twirls her wrists and smiles that familiarly avaricious smile, filled with thoughts of money-grabbing schemes._ _

_ _"Ugh," Zoro groans. "Witch. Go one day without extorting someone, will ya?"_ _

_ _She just scowls and sticks her tongue out at him, whacking him on the shoulder playfully. _ _

_ _"The only person I extort is you," she insists, and then snickers half-drunkenly at his irritated grumble. _ _

_ _"It's not like I didn't already know," Nami continues, hands tracing lovingly over the carved mug, "You saw how those guys looked at Luffy."_ _

_ _They looked at him like we look at him, she doesn't say. (like he's the moon to the pull of the ocean's waves)_ _

_ _Zoro hears it still._ _

_ _

_ _"Yeah, I went around asking about 'Strawhat Luffy's crew' earlier today. No one would tell me anything until I assured them that I meant their saviors no harm," Sabo divulges. He's gone back to sitting by Luffy's bedside, a hand carding gently through his brother's dark locks. "You've done a lot for a lot of people, haven't you; Luffy?" _ _

_ _Then Sabo smiles, soft and fond and sad._ _

_ _

_ _(Zoro frowns, hard and tart and grim.)  
He's sober again, he can tell, because his ears are clear and his vision is no longer bleary. (the bare dredges of failures long gone are once again seeping into his chest.)_ _

_ _"Have you heard why, though?" Sanji grunts. He's standing by the sink with dirty dishes in hand, running water turning his dark sleeves even darker. "Dragged all of us over here, ruined a dictatorship, beat the shit out of some asshole— oh, but he did save a lady,—all because someone told him to."_ _

_ _"That isn't exactly it," Nami reminds, "Law isn't just 'someone.'"_ _

_ _

__And Zoro feels that small swell of irritation once again, the weakest trickles of a grudge oozing into his voice when he says: "Right. That guy's an _ally._"

Maybe he still holds a a bit of ill-will towards Trafalgar Law, but it isn't unjustified. The man's manipulative and sneaky, pulling strings and swapping hearts— all just to get in Luffy's good books. 

(So it isn't all just that, sure. But Zoro's allowed to feel frustrated anyways, isn't he?)  
He respects the man's strength— his ambitions— well enough anyways. 

Sanji stacks up the dishes with a practiced wave of his hand, shoving them lightly to the side with a moist towel. Wiping his hands, he peers at Sabo impassively and says, "Like the shithead says, Law's an ally. And he wanted Luffy to get rid of the bastard flamingo, so Luffy did."

"That's all there is to it," Sanji repeats, and maybe Zoro agrees. 

Sabo leans back against the wall, head tilted to rest heavily on his own shoulders. "That's all...huh?"  
He says it like there should be something more, like there's something that hasn't been said. And there is. It hangs in the air like a dense fog, blurring dim street lights with smudges of thin grey.

Sanji purses his lips and takes out a cigarette, letting it droop between his fingers. When he lights it, the harsh scent of smoke wafts through the air, and Zoro wrinkles his nose. 

"Does Luffy— "

"He's so selfish, too," Nami suddenly laments drunkenly, tucking her hair behind her ear, "—just goes: 'oh hey you guys, we're going to Dressrosa!' and then forces us all to come here just because his 'Traffy' wanted him to."

She throws a brief, jesting, glare at Luffy's sleeping form, but there's a tender devotion in her eyes, a softness that Zoro's seen reflected in all of his crew. 

"So selfish," she says again, and then Zoro can _feel_ her affection abruptly warp into fury. __

__"So _selfish,_" and now there's no space for complaints, only a bitter anger that's been stewing in the depths of her heart for far too long. "He's always like this, this _idiot._ Selfish. Causes all this trouble, and expects us to help us clean it up with him? Selfish. He never listens, always going off on his own and getting lost, just like stupid Zoro."  
Zoro might've said something about that, once, but right now is not the time. Right now, Nami is clenching the handle of her mug with enough force to turn her knuckles white and make her teeth clack against each other, and he knows that right now; Nami is hurting. __

__"He just does what he wants all the time. Selfish. He makes all these stupid decisions and always gets us in trouble, and doesn't even regret any of it! He wastes all my money on meat, of all things, and then shows no remorse! He'll listen, he'll listen to anyone and hear their story and help them for _nothing,_ like they deserve his help even though they've never done anything for him in return. He won't bat an eye to a country suffering under a dictator, but he has a _friend_ in that country and suddenly he'll fight to the _death_ to give them freedom."

"It's selfish," she snarls. "He's selfish, not selfless. No matter what people say, he's a pirate and he's selfish and—"

Zoro sees a sheen of glossed tears in her eyes, but they are tears of frustration and rage; like she's both indignant at Luffy and for him.  
Sabo probably sees it too, because he stays quiet— even as she slanders his brother. (but it isn't slander, because it's the truth, and because none of what she says is wrong. because everything she says here is the what and the how and the why, the reasons they all adore Luffy the way they do)

"The worst part of it all," Nami continues, the porcelain in front of her on the cusp of shattering, "is that he's never selfish when he should be. Even when he has the chance to be, even when he should care for himself, even when it's his own life at risk, when it's always _him_ that ends up suffering, he decides to be _selfless_ and risk everything—and that's what makes him selfish, more than anything."

"He would die for us— give up everything for us, in the blink of an eye; and he's selfish because he would never let _us_ do the same in return."__

_ _Zoro closes his eye, and does not think about Thriller Bark. _ _

_ __ _

====

Nami has done this before, Zoro remembers.  
(Drunken herself to exhaustion and the brink of emotional despair, unable to do anything but spill the feelings that she had clutched so stubbornly to herself.)

The first time was Arlong Park, where he found her drinking in the tangerine grove. 

("Arlong's done," she had said then, with an air of disbelief, and there had been something lightened about her shoulders, a decade-long burden finally gone.

"Yeah," he had grunted, "Luffy did it, didn't he? What a guy, honestly."

"What a guy," she had agreed faintly. 

"But so stupid, too. He comes here and then fights his way through everything— causing chaos and then refusing to leave even when I tell him to." Nami sighed, head lolled back against coarse bark, and there had been a tightly-wound exasperation in her voice that clearly showed what she thought about _that.___

_ _Zoro sent her an irritated glare. _ _ "Seriously? He saves you and your village and you decide to shit-talk him? That's low, even for a greedy witch like you." 

_ _"That isn't what I meant!" Nami snapped back. "I'm saying that he's just really stupid. That he's—dumb, and not just because of his inability to think for himself! Because he's— he's just so— ugh," She gritted her teeth and ground her heels into the earth. _ _

_ _"Would it kill you to just be grateful for once?" Zoro growled. _ _

__"I am grateful!" Nami argued. "I really am! He's amazing for what he's done for the village, for Nojiko! But he's— he's too trusting! He's too trusting, too stupid! I'm saying that I don't understand why he helped me, okay? I'm saying that I don't understand, because I stole from him, _betrayed_ him, practically left him for dead—!"  
She angrily wiped her eyes and threw her cup onto the floor, letting it shatter across cold dirt. "I don't understand why he helped me. I just don't understand." 

"He's dumb—because he helped me, even though he didn't need to. That's why, alright?"

Zoro didn't respond.  
There were many things that he could've said, maybe should've said. 

_One day,_ he hadn't said, _you'll see why he is the way he is, why his heart is the way it is; too big for the world to carry and too warm for us to keep to ourselves. You'll see that he helped you for a reason, not really for your village or because of Arlong, but because of you, specifically. _

_You'll see that this is not altruism, not kindness—this is something deeper and darker and better and worse, and this is_ Luffy,_ who's our captain and the boy we swore to follow to the ends of the seas. You'll see this all one day,_ he did not say. He didn't say anything at all. __

_ _...because back then, he didn't understand this either.)_ _

_ __ _

Sanji stares at Nami with a blankness that doesn't suit him.  
He doesn't say anything, and his silence is awkwardly peculiar. There's no obnoxious fawning, or freaky love-sickness, and he doesn't even sing her praises as he usually tends to—typically every five seconds or so. 

Instead, and he does this slowly but surely—he drawls out a: "There's that too."

Zoro sees Sabo's gaze snap away from Nami, curious eyes now redirected at Sanji.  
"That's all, huh." he says again. 

(It's different, though, the way he says it now)

"And I thought I knew a lot about Luffy." Sabo muses. He studies his brother carefully, and Zoro sees the subtle way his face falls, as though there's something missing; something he cannot find. 

"I guess a decade's worth of absence does that. He thought I was dead for twelve years, after all. And I didn't even remember who he was!"

Sabo is still drunk, Zoro realizes belatedly. The man's voice barely slurs, and his eyes are clear and coherent, but his words are spilling out of his mouth as though he can't stop them. What if he really can't, Zoro wonders. What he says something he'll regret?

Zoro himself knows all too well about that, after all. 

"Hey," he tries to say, intent on cutting Sabo off. But Sabo doesn't even stop talking. It's as though he's already too absorbed in his own world, entranced by thoughts that only he can understand. 

"—when he saw me, he was really surprised. But that's to be expected, after all! I mean, I vanished for twelve years, didn't I? I left him 'n Ace all alone, and they thought I was dead."

"Hey," Zoro says again, but louder. He stands up to calm Sabo down, but Nami grabs him by the hem of his shirt and drags him back down.  
"Let him talk," she murmurs. 

Wrenching his shirt out of her grasp, he hisses back, "Are you crazy?! He's going to feel like shit after, you know how this stuff goes! He needs to calm down!"

"He needs to let it out!" Nami scowls. "Besides, he's safe here! He's just talking about Luffy, nothing bad is going to happen!"  
It's not a matter of pride, Zoro wants to tell her. He's not like you, who'll blurt it all out and feel better afterwards.  
After this, he will not feel better.  
(but he doesn't. he doesn't know where that would apply, on a spectrum so different from the one he's used to)

"—it's ironic, isn't it?" Sabo breaths. "They thought I was dead. Because they thought that they couldn't save me, back in Grey Terminal. They thought that it was their fault that I had died, because they thought that they weren't strong enough, not _good_ enough. Ace, especially; though the fault lay with neither of them."__

_ _"Navigator!" Zoro snarls. The moniker that's usually a rankled (but grudgingly fond) nickname comes out with a grave wildness. "He's not just going to be talking about Luffy!"_ _

_ _

__"...But now, it's Ace that's dead. This time, it was me that wasn't stro—" And oh no, Zoro thinks—_shit_, because Sabo's smile is cracking around the edges, his face is twisting into a familiar form of self-hatred; and there's something like resentment dripping into his voice, and _this is—___

_ _

_ _"That's enough." Sanji says. He lets Sabo chew the bread that he had just shoved in his mouth, and then tosses the alcohol to the side. "That's it."_ _

_ _Sabo looks at him with confusion, blinking twice and shaking the drowsiness out of his eyes.  
"What's the matter?" he asks. _ _

_ _"What's the matter?" Sanji repeats. _ _

_ _His eyebrows furrow with a petty sort of indignation, and he turns away with a click of his tongue, reaching for a mop to wipe the mess on the floor. _ _

_ _"You're badmouthing my captain, 's what matters," he mutters under his breath. _ _

_ _Sabo frowns, bewildered. "Luffy?! You mean Luffy? Why would I ever badmouth him?"_ _

_ _"You were doing it just now!" Sanji snaps back. _ _

_ _"I said nothing of the sort," Sabo retorts._ _

_ _

_ _"Then explain this to me," Sanji grits out. "''It was me that wasn't strong enough.''" he says, with an exaggerated baritone._ _

_ _"I was talking about myself!" Sabo glowers. _ _

_ _ "You were talking about Luffy too!" _ _

_ _"No, I wasn't! Don't put words in my mouth! Luffy isn't, he isn't—"_ _

__"He isn't what? You know, saying that you weren't strong enough, not _good_ enough—I don't give a shit about how you see yourself. But don't you ever forget that it wasn't _you_ on that newspaper. You weren't there, alright? And that isn't your fault, I get it. But _it wasn't you that was there._"

"That doesn't have anything to do with what I'm saying!"

"How does it not? What you're saying," Sanji hisses, "is that Ace is gone because you were weak." Sabo sucks in a short breath at that, but Sanji barely falters. "But you weren't there. You know who was there?"

"...Luffy was there," Sabo says quietly.

"He was." Sanji agrees. "And you know what else? Saying that you were too weak to save your brother reflects on the person who _was actually there._ If you, of all people, are too weak, then what does that make Luffy?"__

_ _"He's not—!"_ _

_ _"He's not. I know he isn't." The knuckles of the hand on the mop turn white, and Zoro can see the slight tremors in the cook's fingers, with how tightly he clenches his fist. "You get it, don't you? Your saying Luffy is weak?"_ _

_ _There's only silence, a dense tension that a butter knife could cut through._ _

_ _

__ "_My captain isn't weak,_" Sanji then says darkly, vehemently—and maybe, just this once—

—Zoro approves.

It's quiet, but it gradually grows louder and louder—and to Zoro's faint surprise, he realizes that Sabo is _laughing._ It's a light, throaty, laugh; echoing from the depths of Sabo's throat and reverberating into the pits of Zoro's guts.__

_ _ Sanji's surprised, too, but he looks more embarrassed than anything. "What?" he snaps, averting his eyes. "What's so funny?"  
Though his words are defensively irritated, there's still protectiveness in his voice, and his gaze darts to Luffy carefully every so-often. _ _

_ _"No, no, I'm not laughing at you," Sabo says, chuckles dying down, "I'm just—I'm so glad that Luffy has such a great crew...this...and I didn't mean it like that, I know Luffy isn't weak."  
He leans back against the wall and smiles down at his brother's sleeping form. "I'm really glad," he murmurs, and then laughs again._ _

_ _

__ "Of course his crew is great," Sanji says, obviously pleased. He's calmed, then, because his hands go lax and he angles himself comfortably against the wall, one leg tucked behind the other.  
("Of course the crew is great, Nami and Robin~!") 

_ _Nami drunkenly stifles a snicker. _ _

_ __ _

====

"M' head hurts," Usopp groans. He rubs his head tiredly, blinking the drowsiness out of his eyes.

"Maybe you shouldn't have drank so much," Sanji scoffs. "Only the green idiot over there drinks like a boozehead." (He gets Usopp a glass of water anyways.)  
"F'anks," Usopp tells him. 

Then he chokes on the water in the midst of guzzling it down.

Nami squints at Usopp and then sniggers behind her hands, reaching out to muss up his hair. "You look dumb after you wake up. Your bed-hair sucks."

"Says you," Usopp mutters. "In the mornings, your hair looks like blended orange peels." Then he immediately cowers behind Zoro—whether from Nami or Sanji is ambiguous, honestly.  
Zoro leaves him out to dry by scooting his chair over to the other side of the table. 

"So you're Usopp," Sabo says, only a touch louder than Sanji's affronted screaming. He smiles politely, and Zoro can see Usopp mentally preparing his compulsory introductory speech. (all lies, whatever he says)

"_God_ Usopp," Usopp corrects, from his place under the table. Nami tries to kick him.__

_ _"God Usopp." Sabo says with mirth; his eyes crinkling into a bemused grin. "I've heard a lot about you in the streets."_ _

_ _Usopp beams smugly, proudly, and he thumps his chest with a curled fist. "I'm famous." he assures Sabo. "Everyone here— every man, woman, and child— they all know my name. I single-handedly saved this country, after all."_ _

_ _He then pauses for a moment, glancing at Luffy. _ _

_ _"He did some of the work," Usopp confesses grudgingly, pointing at his captain. His eyebrows are furrowed like it pains him to give someone else credit._ _

_ _"But only some," he's quick to say. "I still saved the country. My statues are being put up as we speak."_ _

_ _Zoro sighs._ _

_ _

_ _"How's Luffy been?" Sabo asks him. _ _

_ _Usopp looks around blankly, and Zoro has to nudge his shoulder with the hilt of his sword.  
"Oh, me?" he says. "I mean, of course you're asking me!"_ _

_ _Sabo nods patiently._ _

_ _"He's doing good. He's super strong, and he's great and brave and everything. I..." Usopp frowns. He twists the threads of his pants between his fingers, and absently glances at Luffy again. Zoro can't tell what he's thinking._ _

_ _"Luffy's a good captain," he decides, "...he's a good captain." _ _

_ _You skipped over what I tried to skip over, Zoro almost says. (coward.)  
But he doesn't, and Sabo ends up accepting the answer with a failing smile._ _

_ __ _

====

"Usopp, you ass, are you really drinking again?"

"Whhhat?"

"Gimme that," Zoro grumbles, and he pours all of Usopp's remaining drink down his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Usopp watching him mournfully.

"I'm not getting you any water if you get a hangover." Sanji says. 

"You can choke on your water," Zoro shoots back. 

"Dipshit."

Zoro ignores him. 

"It's getting lighter outside. I think it's time for me to go," Sabo says, voice quiet. "I don't want Luf—...I don't want to impose."

"Trust me," Nami chortles, "You've imposed. Think of all the drinks we got ya! You'll have to pay me back for that."

"What? I brought those!" 

"Irrelevant."

Zoro blinks, slow and steady. "I wanna talk about something outside," he says. He points a finger at Sabo and then jerks his hand towards the door. "Out there." 

Sanji raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment. Zoro wouldn't have responded to him anyways, so it doesn't matter.

"Sure," Sabo agrees easily. "We can talk. But I'll have to leave straight after."

"Goodbye," he tells the rest of them, and they give him waves and smiles in turn.

(His eyes linger on Luffy's face, even as he walks out the door.)

"So. Where'd you buy this bunch'of booze?" 

Sabo's shoulders tense just a little, the hems of his coattails brushing about his knees. "Is that really all you wanted to talk about?" he asks.

Zoro sees Sabo searching his face curiously, but he stares straight back without any hesitance.

"Sure," Zoro says blankly. "But where did you buy this?"

He shakes the empty bottle and tosses it to the ground, but it doesn't shatter. He watches it tumble gently away through the wet grass. 

Sabo beams at him merrily, a hint of pride in the curve of his lips.  
"Was it that good? I could always send more over to you guys."

Zoro half-smirks back at him, stretching his arms behind his head. "I'd appreciate it. Who'd turn down a free drink?"

Sabo nods and laughs again, the bright sound weaving itself into the wind. 

"We sure didn't, back then." he suddenly says. "I mean, it was more like we stole it, but that's insignificant."

Zoro already knows what 'we' he's talking about.  
He doesn't try to stop Sabo from talking this time, though, the topic notwithstanding. (It's because there isn't a reason to, now; not when Sabo's voice is so full of fondness and earnest warmth that the barest traces of self-hatred and regret are buried underneath.)

"Dadan's sake, to be specific. We sat around with three cups and swore to be brothers. It was an oath—it was forever. And we promised that one day, the each of us would go out and set sail on our own, at the age of 17."

The expression on Sabo's face twists, a rueful grimace pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

"I set sail far too early."

But was the promise broken? Zoro doesn't really want to ask. 

Sabo reminisces about Luffy and Ace for a little while longer, and Zoro hangs on to every detail about his captain. 

("He's as reckless and stupid and amazing as he's always been. Just like Ace! He never listens, always going on and causing trouble everywhere he goes. But it's amazing, his mentality. I don't know what I expected when I first saw him again, but I'm so glad. I'm so glad he's alive.")

Zoro snorts. "My first impression of him wasn't that great."

(but yes, he thinks privately, he is everything you described and much, much, more.)

Sabo's eyes glean with an excited curiosity, and he leans in, letting his hat slide sloppily down over his forehead.  
"How did you and Luffy meet?"

Oh.  
That's.  
I got tied to a pole voluntarily, ate dirt off the ground, yelled at a little girl who tried to feed me, and ended up being saved by some rubber idiot who came out of nowhere—is that what he should tell him?

"Luffy blackmailed me," he says instead. He only almost smirks at the double-take Sabo does, eyebrows high and face disbelieving. 

"Luffy? My brother?"

"The very same," he mutters. 

Sabo doesn't speak for a while. He just hums into the wind and rocks back onto his heels, a blank expression on his face. 

And then— "I never would've thought he had it in'im," he says, and oh—Sabo's _proud._ "He couldn't lie his way out of anything back then, I'm surprised he got his first crew-member through manipulation, of all things."__

_ _"Well he did," Zoro grumbles, a little perturbed, but Sabo just guffaws. _ _

_ _

_ _"Why'd you join him, then?" Sabo asks. "You don't strike me as the type to take blackmail lying down."_ _

_ _Zoro frowns, and rubs the creases in his forehead. _ _

_ _"I didn't. Not at first."_ _

_ _I have too much pride for that, he doesn't say—but that's probably because he doesn't need to._ _

__"I made a promise with him. And..." _it's not one I don't regret. But it's one I have to keep, because there's another promise that's kept me alive for a decade. When push comes to shove, I don't think I'll be able to fulfill it. When push comes to shove, how am I supposed to kill my own captain?_

"...he made a promise with me."

Sabo clicks his tongue. "I see. Luffy doesn't break his promises, y'know?" He beams, bright and merry. "That's what's great about him."

_That's what I'm afraid of.___

_ _"I know."_ _

_ __ _

====

The snail in Sabo's pocket starts ringing.

"Shit," he hisses, digging into his coat with his hands, "—they're calling for me."

Zoro nods casually and jerks his head at the cabin. "You sure you don't want to say goodbye to Luffy?"

Sabo stills, eyes wide and fingers still frozen around an orange shell. Slowly,—hesitantly—he shakes his head. "I shouldn't," he says. 

"I just came to see his face, after all."

But even as he leaves, tracking muddy footprints in his wake, (his dry shoes?) he only has eyes for the windows of the cabin, tinted by the cold—just enough for nobody to be able to see inside.

Zoro thinks he can see anyways, though, since Sabo smiles, warm and fond, eyes still rooted to the spot where Zoro knows Luffy is sleeping.  
Maybe that's where his eyes will always linger.

When Sabo's well out of his sight, far beyond the wet hills, Zoro takes a step forward, feet digging into squished grass, and calls out: "It was good—!"

Is he still talking about the booze? 

"—but it was bitter."

Maybe.  
Maybe not.

====

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i remember reading the dressrosa arc made me cry a little towards the end when they were all covering for the strawhats because I really really hate credit not given where it's due and i was so relieved that the people actually knew what had happened
> 
> i think there's a lot of bad opinions in this? I'm not good at characterizations, and I think it's pretty obvious. Conveying emotional things--I couldn't pull it off. Any opinions or whatever are from the narrator's point of view though, not mine. (????)
> 
> a bunch of them might come off as really strange and kinda cold for a tightly-knit group of friends  
that..wasn't my intention, and i don't know if you'd see it like that too
> 
> with law i was trying to say that zoro approves of him but has limited trust...? mghh
> 
> //So there was a small piece that should've come after this, about what happened after when Luffy woke up. It's short but it's there, and in the end I wasn't sure if it would really fit. Should I add that in?//


	2. anise

"Sabo left?!"

Luffy jumps up, eyes blown wide and mouth agape, but Chopper shakes his head and fusses, pushing Luffy back down with a soft care.

"Stay there, Luffy! You need to rest for a couple more hours."  
Chopper stays firm and resolute, even as Luffy leaps past him and tries to bolt out the door. Shifting smoothly into heavy point, Chopper grabs Luffy by the shoulder and maneuvers him into the bed, clicking his tongue and pulling the blankets up over Luffy's knees. 

"Just wait for a little longer, Luffy. You'll be able to get out soon, okay? I promise," he says, voice gentle.

Zoro purses his lips and leans against the wall, watching as Luffy pouts and stubbornly refuses. His captain's throwing a fit and purposely being a brat, sure, but there's a tremble in his knees and a look in his eyes that doesn't come from fatigue. 

(And maybe Zoro resents Sabo just a _little,_ for not waking his brother up; for not meeting his brother for what could _always_ have been the last time. That meeting would have meant the _world_ to Luffy, and Zoro knows that now, looking at him. Hadn't he always known that, though? If Zoro had just pushed a little harder, insisted a little more...)__

_ _(But it isn't resentment, what he feels. He doesn't have the right to resent Sabo for something like this. _ _

_ _

_ _Maybe it's just bitterness.)_ _

_ _

_ _"Cook," he calls out, after seeing Luffy struggle to inch his way off the bed, "I think the captain could use some food."_ _

_ _Sanji peers at him from the other end of the room with squinted eyes._ _

_ _"As if I'd take orders from you."  
He scoffs, and turns away as though they had never talked in the first place._ _

_ _But then: "I already knew that," the cook says, more quietly, and it drifts through the air, intertwined with the wafting scent of put-out cigarette smoke. _ _

_ _

_ _Sanji's hands are already encircled around a fist-full of fruits, and there's already browned meat simmering in the pan on the stove, and every drop of oil that drips about the counter gets caught before it hits the ground. _ _

_ _Zoro observes without any real interest, but doesn't say anything until Sanji's finished and the plates are brought out. _ _

__"That's it?" he snorts, partly because he wants to irritate him and partly because Luffy hasn't eaten for three days, and it's _Luffy,_ but Sanji doesn't even look bothered.  
Instead, he quirks a single curly eyebrow and scoffs again. 

"As if," he dismisses easily, tapping his foot impatiently and gesturing for Zoro to move, "You do know that we have the same captain, right? Idiot."

(_"My captain isn't weak," Sanji had said; darkly, vehemently—and—_)__

_ _

_ _Zoro grunts noncommittally and drops into a chair. _ _

_ __ _

====

Night falls just as quickly as it had risen, and Zoro finds himself craving booze. He gets none though, of course, and he's stuck trying to sleep to no avail, plagued with frequent interruptions. Maybe Luffy should've slept for a bit longer, honestly.

After a particularly loud, "LUFFY! MY NOSE!" Zoro slams a foot down, hard, and kicks the wall. 

"Shut up!" he snarls.  
Nami snickers beside him. 

"What, too noisy for you to get any beauty sleep?"

Zoro gives her the side-eye, grimacing slightly at the deep bags under her eyes. Hangovers. Ugh. 

"You'd know plenty about beauty sleep," he snarks, just to spite her, and doesn't bother dodging when she shoves his shoulders with the flat of her palm. 

"Piss off," she growls. But it's teasing.  
Zoro rolls his eyes.

He watches Luffy and Usopp tumble around outside, Luffy's bandages slipping off his thin arms every time he knocks into Usopp. Usopp yells and scrambles around, slipping and panicking, but then he laughs and there's merriment, there, too. Chopper frets by their sides, occasionally separating the two of them to re-wrap Luffy's bandages, and the three of them frolic on wet grass in the dark. 

The moon isn't out tonight.

"Luffy's upset," Nami murmurs. She turns to him and wraps her hands around her arms, sighing tiredly. "Though he doesn't look like he is."

Zoro nods absently, watching Luffy's face light up with every grin Usopp sends his way; every giggle Chopper makes, all with the biggest smile on his face.

"He doesn't look like he is," Zoro agrees, and exhales, resting his head against the wall wearily. 

_("It's never been 'listen to my problems' with him, it's always been 'tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it for you.' Even if he's sad, he'll brush it off and pretend that everything's okay, even if nothing is.")___

_ _

_ _And of course it's because of Sabo, again. _ _

___("—In both the first time we met and the most recent, he cried his eyes out." and Sabo laughs—the sound is warm—)_

That isn't fair, Zoro thinks privately—that isn't fair at all. 

"Zoro!"

Luffy waves at him vigorously, hand swinging so rapidly in the air that Zoro can barely follow it. 

"Zoro!" Luffy calls again, hopping up and over Usopp's tangible exhaustion, "Come play with us! We're gonna do tag! I'm it, okay?"

"Nooo," Usopp groans weakly. He stretches an arm out to grab at Luffy's ankles, but since when has anyone ever been able to stop Luffy? The first certainly won't be Usopp, who chuckles feebly regardless of his exhaustion, his pride in his captain beyond any of his own needs.  
(Even for the little things, like this.)

(But—is that loyalty? Or—maybe even pride itself?)

(Cowardice?)

"Luffy," Zoro acknowledges. He furrows his eyebrows and rolls his shoulders smoothly, letting himself bump into Nami (as petty payback, though he'd never admit it out loud).  
"Usopp's enough."

Usopp groans again, flopping ungracefully onto his back. "Zoro's such a jerk, gee. Just play with him, why don't you?"

As if zapped by lightning, quick as a wink, Usopp dashes behind Chopper and hides himself in warm fur. "I didn't mean it," he says immediately, and he's already practically sweating bullets. Zoro stifles a derisive snort.  
For all of Usopp's bravado and newfound courage, he's still a recreant when it comes to his own crew. (Of all things to be so scared of...)

"Shut up," he grumbles, and closes his eye just enough to show that yes, he does want to sleep.

But then Nami nudges Zoro's side again, and the action is harder, a little less teasing and a little more of a warning. She does it again, and her elbow presses solidly against his back as though what she's doing is supposed to be imperceptible, and so he opens his eye again and glares. 

What, Zoro's about to say, what do you want now?—but—

Luffy's frozen, still standing where he had stopped, and the smile on his face drops steadily by the second. The soles of his heels still digging into the ground, he sways in the breeze, arms brittle and still, and in that moment Zoro really does wonder,—since when has Luffy ever looked fragile?

"...Luffy?" he says, a little uncertain. 

His captain startles, and Zoro can see his pupils snap back and dilate. Dark black overtakes warm brown, and Luffy's fists clench by his sides, the smallest tremors wracking through his fingers. 

"What?" Luffy falters, stumbling over his own feet. 

What?

Beside Zoro, Nami shifts into a crouch, clear concern in her frown. "Luffy..?" she murmurs. She looks just as hesitant as Zoro, but reaches out for him with an outstretched hand, eyebrows furrowed in worry.  
"Are you alright?" she asks. 

Luffy looks at her—except he really doesn't, because his eyes are directed at something far-off that Zoro can't see. 

"I'm fine," he says; airily but also _surely_, and suddenly Zoro feels appeased. Reassured. Luffy doesn't lie, and if he's sure of something, then he should be alright.__

_ _

_ _Then Luffy smiles.  
It's forced, lips too curved around the edges, teeth hidden, and none of the cheer in his grin reaches his eyes. "I just got a little tired, s'all," he mutters._ _

_ _ Zoro feels something like an epiphany strike him, knocking solid sense into his own head._ _

_ _

___The hell's_ with that?

"So you're okay, then, Luffy? Oh, you made me worry for nothing! It sounded like you were ready to cry, for a moment there." Usopp heaves a large sigh of what sounds like relief, stepping out from behind Chopper's still frame. 

"So lets just go in so we don't have to play anymore tag, okay? Maybe we can just sleep? Since you're tir-Luffy?"

Something splashes onto the ground.

"Luffy!" Nami yells in alarm. 

Luffy cocks his head slightly to the side, peering at her with confusion. "What?" he asks. His hair falls over his eyes, and it's dark enough for Zoro to only be able to see half of Luffy's face; the rest shadowed.

He sounds genuinely confused.  
Zoro feels something sink in his gut, and it wraps around his insides, choking, suffocating.

"Luffy..you're okay, aren't you?"

Chopper looks up at Luffy's back with anxious apprehension, approaching him slowly with outstretched hands. "Do you need to lie down? If you do, we can go back inside and..."

Luffy frowns, shaking his head no, almost petulant once again. "What's wrong with you guys? You're acting really weird. I'm not that tired, you know? I was just—"

He cuts himself off with a sudden jerk of his hand, and with tangible incredulity, he stares down at the water dripping down his chest. 

"What?" he says again. 

Slowly, Luffy reaches up to his face and touches his cheeks. When his fingers come away, they're wet.

His captain's realization is Zoro's realization as well.  
Tears?

"What's this?" Luffy utters, voice low. "Is it raining?"

Nami abruptly stands up, brushing past Zoro to reach Luffy. "Luffy,—" she begins to say—

"No." Luffy mumbles. He holds out a palm as if to push her away, and Nami jumps back as if slapped.  
The voice he uses now isn't one of authority, a surety in his position as captain. That voice is one he uses rarely, regardless. It isn't the voice he uses when joking around, either, playing dumb and laughing and _happy._ What is this?__

__Rather—Zoro isn't really sure.  
How could he be sure? How could he now, when Luffy looks at his own hands with wide eyes, unsure and lost, pushing away his own crew?  
(Luffy's sense of direction sucks—Zoro would know. But his captain himself has never been _lost._ Not like this.)

Luffy takes a step back, and then another. He pauses for a while, seemingly disconcerted, and then wipes at his eyes vigorously. 

"Hah.." he chuckles, "—wha, what is this?"  
More wetness drips down his cheeks, and even as Luffy drags both his hands down his face, he just can't get his eyes dry. 

"Luf—"

"GEE," Luffy says, loud enough to drown out Nami, "I guess it's going to rain soon, huh? I'm going to go for a walk, okay? I'll be back soon. It could be an adventure! I won't get into any trouble, I promise, Nami."

And then before anyone can say anything else, even make a move to approach him, he stretches out his arms and latches onto the roof. 

"I'll be back soon!" he laughs.  
(It sounds fake.)

Then he's gone, leaving only a faint echo of (fake) laughter behind. 

Zoro turns away from Nami and Usopp's hushed whispering, and looks up at the sky.

It's dark.

The moon isn't out tonight.  
But there aren't any clouds, either.

There's no rain.

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay
> 
> the part where they're outside and the tears thing reminds me a lot of the first fic thing i ever wrote and it was just an awkward scene of post-marineford luffy and zoro and it was so bad but so is this so it's okay  
i think it was timetravel/timeloop and it was so awkward i deleted it out of embarrassment
> 
> so NOT DONE  
there's literally one more part and it's the shortest of all BUT IT'S TAKING SO LONG AND I'M LAZY  
maybemaybe


End file.
